The Wave Was Never the Problem
- vesselka5
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
Metaphor, Presence, and the Quiet Power of Staying with What Arises
(published with client's consent)
Over the past few months, my client had been living in what she described as a state of emotional bracing — alert, tight, prepared for bad news even when none had arrived. It all began during a period packed with practical and emotional strain: restructuring at work, relational friction in close circles, and the looming pressure of a major personal decision about relocating. A constant sense of internal tension followed. Suppressed frustration. A readiness to absorb impact, just in case.
When she arrived in session, she asked to work metaphorically. I followed.
“I see myself standing at the edge of the sea,” she said, “wearing a raincoat. I’m watching a massive wave roll toward me.”
At first, the image felt paralyzing.
She couldn’t run.
She couldn’t stop the wave.
And she wasn’t moving.
Just standing there — bracing, silent, alone.
But as we stayed with it — really stayed with it — something began to shift.
She let the wave come.
She got soaked.
She cursed. She raged.
And then… she walked away.
No collapse. No rescue. No resolution.
Just the quiet, unspectacular power of staying present and not breaking.
That soaked version of her — post-wave, grounded, human — was, in her words, “not broken… just letting go.”
The fear had never been in the wave.
The fear had been in the anticipation.
What Makes This Coaching Moment Matter
This session wasn’t about clever questions or neat reframes.
It was about presence.
Real, tuned, non-performing presence.
In a moment where I could have guided, lifted, or celebrated her “strength,” I didn’t.
She had asked not to be called strong. So I didn’t.
She didn’t want to be reframed. She wanted to stay human. So I stayed with that.
And that’s what advanced coaching often looks like:
Not leading the client out, but staying in with them without collapsing into silence or steering it toward insight.
What I Was Doing Behind the Scenes (For Coaches)
If you’re an experienced coach, you know that what makes a session powerful often isn’t what’s said but what’s held. Here’s what I was consciously working with underneath:
Tracking the Client’s Center of Gravity
I wasn’t responding just to words. I was listening for where her awareness was located:
Was she the raincoat figure?
Was she observing herself?
Was she in the post-wave stillness?
That allowed me to meet her where she was, not where I thought the insight should land.
Using the Metaphor as a Living System
I treated the metaphor not as a static image, but as a dynamic territory.
I asked:
“Where are we now?”, “What’s happening next?”
This let her discover movement and meaning from within, not from my interpretation.
Respecting Emotional Timing
When she moved from inner heaviness to sharper presence, I pivoted with her. When she returned to emotional rawness, I welcomed it again.
I didn’t try to stabilize or redirect the emotion. I trusted her pacing, not mine.
Offering Structure Without Ownership
At one point, I gently asked:
“What if she’s not frozen, but exhaling?”
That shifted the metaphor’s structure. But it wasn’t insight I gave her — it was a possibility, offered from within her own metaphor. That’s the difference between coaching presence and coaching cleverness.
Staying in Presence, Not Resolution
When she said, “This is powerful,” I didn’t close the session with celebration or summary. I stayed quiet. I trusted that what needed to arise next still could and maybe would.
Honoring Identity Over Insight
She asked not to be labeled “strong.” That moment mattered. I didn’t redirect her toward pride or growth. I stayed with the identity she had chosen: soaked, intact, human.
That’s not only skill. That’s ethical restraint.
If You’re a Coach Working with Metaphor
Metaphor isn’t a technique. It’s a landscape your client steps into.
If we rush to interpret it, we collapse the space. But if we treat it as alive — moving, shifting, speaking — then the metaphor will do what it’s there to do.
Let your client walk in it.
Let it unfold.
And most importantly, don’t make it yours.
Final Thought
Coaching mastery isn’t found in perfect questions.
It’s found in presence.
In pacing.
In not rushing the client to insight before they’ve had a chance to feel the wave.
My client walked away soaked.
Not triumphant.
Not resolved.
But real.
And that was enough.
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